Sometimes I feel like I'm just a person who is good at creating this image of myself. I am just someone who can't stand being criticized and hated. And what I'm most afraid of is, people'll find out one day that I'm this way.

Being a Gemini means I'd like to know something about everything, which means there's always a list of things I want to learn. Here is my current list:
Jazz - dance
Jazz - sing

The society applies this standard on you. A standard which tells you whether you are successful or not, whether you make enough money, whether you are good or bad, chubby or skinny, handsome or ugly. I remember in my previous society I was not bright at all and no one would expect me to make a lot of money. My family still think they should give me money because I am finally on my own and don't make enough to support my living. And then I worked in this environment where everyone is so positive about everything. Like they'd say "you're amazing to turn this around so quickly" or "Quincin did her magic again and fixed this big problem!"

New manager gave my performance a "B" while I gave my performance an "A" - how embarrassing is it to give yourself a mark that's a knot higher that what your boss gives you? To her standard, A is like perfect, no mistakes, above and beyond her high expectation. To me, I graded myself based on last year's review with my old manager, who thought I was above and beyond. Now I am confused because I don't know my value to the company anymore and HR is going to think that I slacked off this year.

Then sometimes I am surprise at how at interview someone would say she has strong, say, Excel skill (and they truly think so) but turn out they can't even do a simple formula. While most of the time I'm worried that if I tell people I know SQL they might think of me the same way once they see me working on it. Perhaps being too modest at interviews do you no good at all, but being over-confident can give people the impression of arrogance. So where is the balance? How do I know if I'm good or not?

We need to learn to develop an understand of our own skills and a confidence in our own strengths. Set our own standard and continue to learn and improve at our own comfortable pace. I think belief in yourself, not negativity, is what makes you a better person. Life is beautiful and short and it's not worth it to try to fit in by constantly trying to reach other's standard.

How do you judge a person? How do you judge me?

They say I am data queen, he says I am dumb.
You say I am smart, I say I am slow.
She says I am resilient, I think I am cold blooded.
You say I am cool, you say I am passionate.
They say I am pretty, you say I look common.
I thought I was pessimistic, I think I am optimistic.
They say I am tough, She says I am a coward.
You think we are poor, I think we are rich.
She says I am artistic, he says I am not.
I say I am sensitive, you say I am insensitive.
She said I exceeded expectation, they said I only met theirs.

Sometimes I don't know who's right and who's wrong.
I don't know if I'm too proud or too modest.
I don't know whether I am good enough or not enough.

In fact, I think I am mediocre in everything.

Because it's all relative. It depends on how you feel that day, how nice or how mean you feel like; who you've met; what you know; what you don't know.

Unfortunately, most of them time we judge and voice our comments too readily.

And how do you judge somebody? Well maybe you don't.

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