I find myself continue to ask myself, how can I ask the Chinese government for an apology for 6.4, if I don't even ask him if he thinks he's wrong.
I really hope that we will all hate him together. At this moment, I feel like I we did not do her justice.
We went to Riverdale farm today for the first time. Not sure why we never came here when we lived in the neighborhood. The farm is right in downtown next to a busy highway, but once you are in there you'd forget that you are in toronto. Parents bring their kids here to see the animals, the see the real sheep, pigs, chicken, horse. There are spots for picnic, baseball, organic vegetables, farmer's market. New born sheep were munching fresh grass in the afternoon sun. It is a place where I'd even try to save a green catapillar from the bathroom floor and take it back to the bush where it still has a chance to become a butterfly.
"要是沒有活著，也就看不到人生的千迴百轉。沒有活下去，也永不知道曾經以為無法承受的痛苦原來是會過去的。當你以為你的心已經一片荒蕪，有一天，它卻會出奇不意地開出一朵漂亮的小花兒。那一刻，所有的荒蕪都成了往事。"
From AmyBlogger.
How I wish I could show you that happiness is right there if you just choose to see.
Before he left he wrote me a message that says "Have fun the next few days." I was very upset when I saw the message. How do I "have fun" while there's no one, nothing to distract me from thinking in my head? How dared he say this to me when you know I'll be facing mother's day on my own?
Things don't always happen as planned. The dark morning sky told me that it's not a good day to ride the scooter. On my way to the subway station I saw that it's blood donation day in the mall downstairs. It's just right to give blood for mother's day. I booked my time and went quickly to Le Gourmand to have a quick lunch. The greens with goat cheese, walnut and honey and scone were delicious, as was the coffee. At 3pm, I went back to the mall, went through the procedures, and was soon on my back with a needle in my vein. The volunteer was really nice and kept telling me that my blood was flowing fine. Last time I gave blood it wasn't as smooth. It took like 15 minutes because my blood was too thick. This time round I drank lots of water and ate more than I normally would.
The sun came out afterward. Since our K plan got canceled I went to Queen street on the scooter. tried on some jeans and dresses, bought a few things, had some fun in the beautiful fitting room of Urbanoutfitters.
Look at the lovely wall paper! This dress is really cute, but bikers don't wear dresses so I went for a pair of cigarette jeans and a skirt from American Apparel.
Someone forgot to help me fill up the tank so I had to pump my first tank of gas in my life. It was hard to look cool when the cap just won't close in properly but I managed.
Alone or not alone, this day will always have a different meaning to me. Everyday, every moment, she's always in my mind. No redemption, no hatre, no fear, only love.
I hope to see your smile in my dream tonight.
Sometimes I feel like I'm just a person who is good at creating this image of myself. I am just someone who can't stand being criticized and hated. And what I'm most afraid of is, people'll find out one day that I'm this way.
Being a Gemini means I'd like to know something about everything, which means there's always a list of things I want to learn. Here is my current list:
Spanish
Photography
Guitar
Jazz - dance
sql
Photoshop
Jazz - sing
Ballet
Knit
Cook
Bake
Draw
The society applies this standard on you. A standard which tells you whether you are successful or not, whether you make enough money, whether you are good or bad, chubby or skinny, handsome or ugly. I remember in my previous society I was not bright at all and no one would expect me to make a lot of money. My family still think they should give me money because I am finally on my own and don't make enough to support my living. And then I worked in this environment where everyone is so positive about everything. Like they'd say "you're amazing to turn this around so quickly" or "Quincin did her magic again and fixed this big problem!"
New manager gave my performance a "B" while I gave my performance an "A" - how embarrassing is it to give yourself a mark that's a knot higher that what your boss gives you? To her standard, A is like perfect, no mistakes, above and beyond her high expectation. To me, I graded myself based on last year's review with my old manager, who thought I was above and beyond. Now I am confused because I don't know my value to the company anymore and HR is going to think that I slacked off this year.
Then sometimes I am surprise at how at interview someone would say she has strong, say, Excel skill (and they truly think so) but turn out they can't even do a simple formula. While most of the time I'm worried that if I tell people I know SQL they might think of me the same way once they see me working on it. Perhaps being too modest at interviews do you no good at all, but being over-confident can give people the impression of arrogance. So where is the balance? How do I know if I'm good or not?
We need to learn to develop an understand of our own skills and a confidence in our own strengths. Set our own standard and continue to learn and improve at our own comfortable pace. I think belief in yourself, not negativity, is what makes you a better person. Life is beautiful and short and it's not worth it to try to fit in by constantly trying to reach other's standard.
How do you judge a person? How do you judge me?
They say I am data queen, he says I am dumb.
You say I am smart, I say I am slow.
She says I am resilient, I think I am cold blooded.
You say I am cool, you say I am passionate.
They say I am pretty, you say I look common.
I thought I was pessimistic, I think I am optimistic.
They say I am tough, She says I am a coward.
You think we are poor, I think we are rich.
She says I am artistic, he says I am not.
I say I am sensitive, you say I am insensitive.
She said I exceeded expectation, they said I only met theirs.
Sometimes I don't know who's right and who's wrong.
I don't know if I'm too proud or too modest.
I don't know whether I am good enough or not enough.
In fact, I think I am mediocre in everything.
Because it's all relative. It depends on how you feel that day, how nice or how mean you feel like; who you've met; what you know; what you don't know.
Unfortunately, most of them time we judge and voice our comments too readily.
And how do you judge somebody? Well maybe you don't.
